Sample Essay
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Untitled (The Wheels on the robot) |
The following essay was written by one of my students for the Common App essay.
When reading it, note the following:
Untitled
“So, Hayley, how many wheels are on our robot?” Panic rushed through my brain as my heartbeat sped up. I was at my first robotics competition and didn’t expect to be quizzed. My mouth dried up and my palms started to sweat. I envisioned what would happen if the other team members realized I didn’t know the answer to such a simple question: everyone looking down on me, no one wanting me to work in their group, people laughing behind my back. “The robot has six wheels,” I responded, trying to hide my anxiety. I had been going to robotics three afternoons a week for the entire school year, and I didn't know for sure how many wheels were on our robot? How was this even possible?
I thought back to my time in the shop the past year. My main role within the group was drilling holes where directed and putting away tools. I felt treated like the robots we were creating -- programmed to do menial tasks rather than being truly involved in the design and building of our robot. No wonder I wasn’t sure how many wheels it had.
Fast-forward to my junior year, I became JV captain, which meant my job was to introduce freshmen to the team during our offseason. I made it my mission to ensure that no freshmen would feel the humiliation I had felt, and to instead make them knowledgeable, contributing members of the team. To accomplish this, I created a new offseason setup. The previous offseason had put freshmen into small groups, isolated from each other, where they used little teamwork and had few mentors. My redesigned offseason had all the freshmen working together on a large robot, like the full team does during our main season, so they would get robot knowledge, experience working together in a large group, and mentorship from many different students. By the main season in spring, the freshmen jumped right in and made a huge contribution to the team. Instead of fetching flywheels for the shooter team, Emma was fabricating the shooter; instead of disassembling old mechanisms for parts, Nick was designing new mechanisms; and instead of mindlessly cutting pre-designed components, Connor was using his mind to design new components on our CAD model. Last year’s season was our most successful yet, partly thanks to the contributions of the freshmen.
After seeing how much of an effect our freshmen had on our performance last season, I now know that when choosing between quick success and mentorship, mentorship is the better choice because it can contribute to quick success. Every opinion helps to create the best product, even if those opinions come from people with less experience. Even senior members don’t know everything, and the creativity and fresh perspectives of freshmen gave us new ideas. I also discovered that working closely with more people on the team creates incredible relationships. When I was a freshman, I wasn’t friends with the older team members, and I felt left out of the “cool kids” on the robotics team (if such a thing exists!). This year the other upperclassmen and I are friends with lots of freshmen because we spend time working and sharing ideas with them. Having these relationships helps us all to do our best work, be more successful, and have more fun.
At my first robotics competition, I waited five hours in agony until I could see our robot and find out how many wheels it really had. When I was allowed to leave the stands, I rushed over to the robot to discover in horror that it had eight wheels, not six. For the rest of the competition I was paranoid that someone would call me out on my mistake. Although I was uncertain about the number of wheels then, I am certain now that no one else on our team will make the same mistake.
When reading it, note the following:
- Attention-grabbing first paragraph that does not immediately reveal the answer to the question posed
- Insights into the student's thinking every step of the way
- Shows student's inventiveness and leadership
- Conclusion that ties back to the first paragraph and answers the question posed in the first sentence
Untitled
“So, Hayley, how many wheels are on our robot?” Panic rushed through my brain as my heartbeat sped up. I was at my first robotics competition and didn’t expect to be quizzed. My mouth dried up and my palms started to sweat. I envisioned what would happen if the other team members realized I didn’t know the answer to such a simple question: everyone looking down on me, no one wanting me to work in their group, people laughing behind my back. “The robot has six wheels,” I responded, trying to hide my anxiety. I had been going to robotics three afternoons a week for the entire school year, and I didn't know for sure how many wheels were on our robot? How was this even possible?
I thought back to my time in the shop the past year. My main role within the group was drilling holes where directed and putting away tools. I felt treated like the robots we were creating -- programmed to do menial tasks rather than being truly involved in the design and building of our robot. No wonder I wasn’t sure how many wheels it had.
Fast-forward to my junior year, I became JV captain, which meant my job was to introduce freshmen to the team during our offseason. I made it my mission to ensure that no freshmen would feel the humiliation I had felt, and to instead make them knowledgeable, contributing members of the team. To accomplish this, I created a new offseason setup. The previous offseason had put freshmen into small groups, isolated from each other, where they used little teamwork and had few mentors. My redesigned offseason had all the freshmen working together on a large robot, like the full team does during our main season, so they would get robot knowledge, experience working together in a large group, and mentorship from many different students. By the main season in spring, the freshmen jumped right in and made a huge contribution to the team. Instead of fetching flywheels for the shooter team, Emma was fabricating the shooter; instead of disassembling old mechanisms for parts, Nick was designing new mechanisms; and instead of mindlessly cutting pre-designed components, Connor was using his mind to design new components on our CAD model. Last year’s season was our most successful yet, partly thanks to the contributions of the freshmen.
After seeing how much of an effect our freshmen had on our performance last season, I now know that when choosing between quick success and mentorship, mentorship is the better choice because it can contribute to quick success. Every opinion helps to create the best product, even if those opinions come from people with less experience. Even senior members don’t know everything, and the creativity and fresh perspectives of freshmen gave us new ideas. I also discovered that working closely with more people on the team creates incredible relationships. When I was a freshman, I wasn’t friends with the older team members, and I felt left out of the “cool kids” on the robotics team (if such a thing exists!). This year the other upperclassmen and I are friends with lots of freshmen because we spend time working and sharing ideas with them. Having these relationships helps us all to do our best work, be more successful, and have more fun.
At my first robotics competition, I waited five hours in agony until I could see our robot and find out how many wheels it really had. When I was allowed to leave the stands, I rushed over to the robot to discover in horror that it had eight wheels, not six. For the rest of the competition I was paranoid that someone would call me out on my mistake. Although I was uncertain about the number of wheels then, I am certain now that no one else on our team will make the same mistake.