Sample Essay #2 |
Untitled (A night alone in the woods) |
The following essay was written by one of my students for the Common Application essay.
When reading it, note the following:
Untitled
The sun was beginning to set and the mosquitoes were becoming more irritating. My stomach was rumbling from hunger. I was alone in the North Woods of Wisconsin. It was getting dark, and I was getting scared.
I was intentionally spending 24 hours alone in the woods as part of an optional Explorers program at camp. The only supplies I was allowed to take with me were a single bagel, a granola bar, a Nalgene of water, a garbage bag, a rope, a journal, a pen, a sleeping bag, and a whistle in case of a threatening situation with a bear or a deer. I was also given a choice between bringing a flashlight or bug spray, but not both.
I’ll admit, the idea of being alone in the woods for that long did not appeal to me, but I wanted to prove – mostly to myself -- that there was more to me underneath my Ugg boots and North Face jacket than a stereotypical, upper-middle class suburban teenager.
At home, my “survival skills” consisted of navigating around “mean girl” cliques in school, following directions at field hockey practice to avoid having to run extra sprints, and camping out in front of my computer to make sure I was current on Facebook. For this challenge, I learned how to tie knots, hang a bear bag, construct a shelter out of twigs and rope, and start one-match fires.
When I left camp at 9:00am, I was confident in my “new” set of survival skills, but I knew that the real challenge was going to be finding ways to occupy myself for the 24 hours I had to spend alone. I started writing random thoughts in the journal and ended up making lists of things I wanted to change about myself and qualities I should appreciate more. For example, I accepted the fact that I am a terrible singer, even when I’m alone in the woods, but gave myself credit for being a creative architect in building my shelter. I promised myself that I would try to be more decisive when presented with choices, but I gave myself credit for making the choice to stick with the Explorers program, even after failing the first few skills tests. I wrote that I needed to stick up for myself more and give in to peer pressure less, but I gave myself credit for being a loyal friend.
I felt good that I was using this time alone to think about who I am and who I want to be. I realized that this time alone was a gift to make changes; to come out of the woods not just an Explorer, but a better person. For the first time, I realized exactly what I was exploring.
Eventually, the sun began to set. I was well-prepared, but now that it was getting dark, I was getting nervous. I laid my sleeping bag carefully underneath my make-shift shelter, and I used my backpack filled with the rest of my survival supplies as a pillow. I hoped to fall asleep quickly. As I lay there, I stared up at the northern skies and saw billions of stars beaming through the trees, many times more than are visible in the light-polluted Chicago skies. Suddenly, alone in the northern woods, I felt connected to the rest of the world. Content and secure, I loosened my grip on my bear whistle, closed my eyes, and waited for morning.
Looking back and remembering my original dilemma in having to choose between bringing bug spray and a flashlight, I was glad that I chose the bug spray. I discovered that it was easy to survive without a flashlight because any fear of the dark was just in my mind. The mosquitoes, on the other hand, were real.
When reading it, note the following:
- Catchy introductory paragraph
- Vivid descriptions
- Insights into the student's personality
- Poignant conclusion that ties back to the introduction
Untitled
The sun was beginning to set and the mosquitoes were becoming more irritating. My stomach was rumbling from hunger. I was alone in the North Woods of Wisconsin. It was getting dark, and I was getting scared.
I was intentionally spending 24 hours alone in the woods as part of an optional Explorers program at camp. The only supplies I was allowed to take with me were a single bagel, a granola bar, a Nalgene of water, a garbage bag, a rope, a journal, a pen, a sleeping bag, and a whistle in case of a threatening situation with a bear or a deer. I was also given a choice between bringing a flashlight or bug spray, but not both.
I’ll admit, the idea of being alone in the woods for that long did not appeal to me, but I wanted to prove – mostly to myself -- that there was more to me underneath my Ugg boots and North Face jacket than a stereotypical, upper-middle class suburban teenager.
At home, my “survival skills” consisted of navigating around “mean girl” cliques in school, following directions at field hockey practice to avoid having to run extra sprints, and camping out in front of my computer to make sure I was current on Facebook. For this challenge, I learned how to tie knots, hang a bear bag, construct a shelter out of twigs and rope, and start one-match fires.
When I left camp at 9:00am, I was confident in my “new” set of survival skills, but I knew that the real challenge was going to be finding ways to occupy myself for the 24 hours I had to spend alone. I started writing random thoughts in the journal and ended up making lists of things I wanted to change about myself and qualities I should appreciate more. For example, I accepted the fact that I am a terrible singer, even when I’m alone in the woods, but gave myself credit for being a creative architect in building my shelter. I promised myself that I would try to be more decisive when presented with choices, but I gave myself credit for making the choice to stick with the Explorers program, even after failing the first few skills tests. I wrote that I needed to stick up for myself more and give in to peer pressure less, but I gave myself credit for being a loyal friend.
I felt good that I was using this time alone to think about who I am and who I want to be. I realized that this time alone was a gift to make changes; to come out of the woods not just an Explorer, but a better person. For the first time, I realized exactly what I was exploring.
Eventually, the sun began to set. I was well-prepared, but now that it was getting dark, I was getting nervous. I laid my sleeping bag carefully underneath my make-shift shelter, and I used my backpack filled with the rest of my survival supplies as a pillow. I hoped to fall asleep quickly. As I lay there, I stared up at the northern skies and saw billions of stars beaming through the trees, many times more than are visible in the light-polluted Chicago skies. Suddenly, alone in the northern woods, I felt connected to the rest of the world. Content and secure, I loosened my grip on my bear whistle, closed my eyes, and waited for morning.
Looking back and remembering my original dilemma in having to choose between bringing bug spray and a flashlight, I was glad that I chose the bug spray. I discovered that it was easy to survive without a flashlight because any fear of the dark was just in my mind. The mosquitoes, on the other hand, were real.