Sample Essay #3 |
Untitled: (something unknown about me)
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The following essay was written by one of my students for the prompt: "What do you wish more people knew about you?"
When reading it, note the following:
Untitled
Ian Thomas broke my heart. I trusted him, but he completely let me down. The night it happened, I was extremely upset. I had already made big plans for us. Instead, he failed me and I got in bed feeling sad and betrayed. That night I made a vow. Ian Thomas would never, ever, ever start at tight end on my fantasy football team again.
Going into this year, I decided to sign up for the fantasy football club at school. In past years, I was either elected to service council or student council, and I wanted to try something new. Sports is a passion I share with my family. Even though I live in the Midwest, my father grew up in Boston and passed down his devotion to all the Boston sports teams. I have always had a love for football, particularly the New England Patriots, so when the opportunity to play fantasy football at school appeared, I jumped at it.
When I returned to school and was notified that fantasy football club would be starting soon, I felt a little regret for having chosen something so frivolous. However, after our first club meeting, that feeling disappeared. There was great camaraderie among students in the club, and even though I wasn’t going to solve any big problems like world peace, I knew this group would build a strong community together. With so many of my class choices and after-school activities having a clear goal of self improvement, this one felt different. It felt good to do something purely for fun. Plus, after the draft, I felt really good about my team.
My feelings about my team and this group proved to be right on target. It was a great bonding experience that I shared with one of my best friends, Darcie, the only other girl in the fantasy football club. It also didn’t hurt that the top five scorers got a box of candy each week.
I was one step away from the Super Bowl when my season came down to Ian Thomas. If the tight end for the Carolina Panthers scored 12.42 points, I would beat the best team in the league and move on to the championship game. I felt good about my chances because Ian Thomas had scored more than 12 points in both of his previous games. It started out really well when he caught the first two passes of the game. It turned out that those were the only two passes he caught all night, earning only 2.9 points. That was the end of my relationship with Ian Thomas.
Most people know me as Sarah the Serious Student and Sarah the Dancer and Sarah the Guitar Player. I want others to know that I am also Sarah the Fantasy Football player who can find meaning and joy (or in this case, heartbreak!) in any experience.
When reading it, note the following:
- Catchy introductory paragraph with unexpected twist at the end
- Personality throughout the essay
- Shows wide-ranging interests and talents
- Highlights qualities and perspectives likely not evident elsewhere in the application
Untitled
Ian Thomas broke my heart. I trusted him, but he completely let me down. The night it happened, I was extremely upset. I had already made big plans for us. Instead, he failed me and I got in bed feeling sad and betrayed. That night I made a vow. Ian Thomas would never, ever, ever start at tight end on my fantasy football team again.
Going into this year, I decided to sign up for the fantasy football club at school. In past years, I was either elected to service council or student council, and I wanted to try something new. Sports is a passion I share with my family. Even though I live in the Midwest, my father grew up in Boston and passed down his devotion to all the Boston sports teams. I have always had a love for football, particularly the New England Patriots, so when the opportunity to play fantasy football at school appeared, I jumped at it.
When I returned to school and was notified that fantasy football club would be starting soon, I felt a little regret for having chosen something so frivolous. However, after our first club meeting, that feeling disappeared. There was great camaraderie among students in the club, and even though I wasn’t going to solve any big problems like world peace, I knew this group would build a strong community together. With so many of my class choices and after-school activities having a clear goal of self improvement, this one felt different. It felt good to do something purely for fun. Plus, after the draft, I felt really good about my team.
My feelings about my team and this group proved to be right on target. It was a great bonding experience that I shared with one of my best friends, Darcie, the only other girl in the fantasy football club. It also didn’t hurt that the top five scorers got a box of candy each week.
I was one step away from the Super Bowl when my season came down to Ian Thomas. If the tight end for the Carolina Panthers scored 12.42 points, I would beat the best team in the league and move on to the championship game. I felt good about my chances because Ian Thomas had scored more than 12 points in both of his previous games. It started out really well when he caught the first two passes of the game. It turned out that those were the only two passes he caught all night, earning only 2.9 points. That was the end of my relationship with Ian Thomas.
Most people know me as Sarah the Serious Student and Sarah the Dancer and Sarah the Guitar Player. I want others to know that I am also Sarah the Fantasy Football player who can find meaning and joy (or in this case, heartbreak!) in any experience.
